Sneak Attack!

Sneak Attack! is the fifth episode of the first season of AMC's Small Town Security. It originally aired August 12, 2012.

Synopsis
Joan, Irwin, Croft, and Brian are among a capacity crowd packed into a barn-turned-arena for a "Southern Style Pro Wrestling" match. Backstage, a JJK security guard steps out of his uniform and dons a pair of wrestling tights. During the guard's match, Irwin cheers him on by chanting JJK! JJK! When the guard finally goes down for the count, Irwin yells, "Bring on the women!"

During a nighttime patrol with Joan, Lt. Croft leaves the car and enters a parking garage. "The number one thing in our job is not to forget that its dangerous out there," he warns. Croft hides around a corner and then jumps one of his security guards as he walks by. "A sneak attack is an infiltration exercise," Croft explains.

Lt. Croft continues his rounds. At a mini-golf course, he loudly tosses a trash can over a fence and hides. When one of his guards quietly approaches to investigate, Croft reveals himself and reprimands her, telling her she should have immediately made her presence known by yelling "Security!"

Back in the car, Joan and Lt. Croft revisit a recent incident between the two of them. At Croft's birthday party, Joan promoted Croft and presented him with a jacket with "Captain" stitched across the back (Joan also intended to promote Irwin to "Major"). After a few rounds of drinks, Joan asked Croft to help her with her pants in the ladies' room. While in the bathroom, a tipsy Croft attempted to kiss Joan, explaining, "She's got those steamy eyes." Joan responded by slapping Croft and revoking his promotion. "I'm not kissing a girl with a mustache," she declares.

The next day, Joan and Lt. Croft promote the two guards Croft checked on the night before. With tears in his eyes, one of them admits, "This is one of the best days of my life."

Frustrated when he once again can't find something in his office, Irwin decides it's finally time to call the Junk King to help him clean up his mess. The Junk King meets Irwin at his storage unit, and Irwin insists he's ready. Though he shows signs of reticence ("You can always use a piece of wood"), little by little he agrees to part with items including old chairs, 25-year-old copy machines, and mail from the '80s. An impressed Junk King admits, "I think it's remarkable."

The following day, Christa and Brian join the Junk King crew as they tackle the Koplan house. In the basement, they encounter items including decades-old phone books, Polaroid photos of a pregnant Joan, and a 10-year-old bottle of salad dressing. Eventually, they sort through it all. The burden is a little bit off this one shoulder, says Irwin. Still weighing down Irwin's other shoulder: his office.

In the JJK parking lot, Lt. Croft gathers four guards for pepper spray training, including the two recently-promoted officers. In the exercise, each guard is pepper sprayed and then has to fight off an assailant and use a cell phone to call 911. Two of the guards rise to the challenge, but the two recently-promoted guards both refuse to participate. Embarrassed by their behavior, Croft decides to lead by example and also completes the exercise. Later, Joan and Croft promote one of the two guards who "stepped up."

When the Junk King arrives at JJK, Irwin divulges that he wants to prove to Joan that he can change. "Our goal is to get to the floor," the Junk King says as he enters Irwin's office. Miraculously, they do. Though stunned by the amount of trash in the Junk King's truck, Joan is dubious that Irwin's office will remain clean and predicts it will go back to the way it was within a month. Chuckling, she rolls her eyes and mutters "Ain't love grand?"