A Starr Is Born

A Starr Is Born is the fourth episode of the second season of AMC's Small Town Security. It originally aired May 30, 2013.

Synopsis
The JJK gang eats take-out sushi in the office. Christa warns Irwin to watch out for the green stuff – wasabi – which is spicy. Irwin takes a large bite and starts to choke, causing Joan to panic. As she’s dialing 911, Irwin finally says he’s alright and laughs.

At the Koplan house, Irwin dotes over his cat Felix, whom he's had for 22 years. "I couldn't love him any more if I'd given birth to him," says Irwin. Joan says she understands Irwin's love of animals, although she's not really a cat person. She admits she'd never hire anyone who doesn't like animals.

At a local coffee shop, Lt. Croft meets with a lawyer to discuss legally changing his name from Denise Starr Croft to Dennis Starr, which he thinks "sounds cool." Croft learns he has to file notice of his name change in the local paper and give the public 30 days to file an objection.

Back at JJK, Joan yells at her for missing a phone call because she was outside smoking. Brian asks Christa if she's ever thought about quitting. Christa notes that Dennis smokes more than she does, as his cigars are the equivalent of “about five cigarettes" each. Brian challenges the two to cut back on smoking for a week and see who wins.

At JJK, the team mourns the loss of Irwin's cat Felix. "I could talk to him and I swear to God he knew what I was saying," says a teary-eyed Irwin. "That's the way I feel about Lambchop," says Joan, who starts crying also and laments the fact that elephants and alligators live longer than cats and dogs. "What kind of sense does that make?” she asks.

Later, Joan tells Lt. Croft that she doesn't like that his new last name will be Starr. “The only big star… around here is supposed to be me," she says and tells Croft he should have left his name the way it was.

Out on patrol, Chief and Lt. Croft continue to bicker about his name change. "It's not just the name change," explains Joan. "The whole Denise has disappeared."

Back at JJK, Brian creates a "jar of motivation" for Christa in her pursuit to cut back on smoking. The jar is a mixture of cigarette butts, blue cheese crumbles and chunks of Spam. "Now that smells like an ass," comments Joan. Christa smells it, chokes and decides not to smoke.

Irwin goes to pick up Felix's remains, which are in an urn engraved, "My Sweet Boy." Irwin gets emotional and claims a new cat wouldn't help him relieve the pain. Two days later, he's adopted two new cats. "They've filled some of the void already," he says.

Out on patrol, Chief and Lt. Croft bicker again about Joan not being able to accept him as a man. But Chief says it's also hard for her because she's lost a female friend. "I still know all the female stuff, it's not like my memory is wiped," says Croft.

At JJK, Christa and Croft tally up their smokes. They're tied at 22 each, but because Croft's cigars are bigger, Christa realizes she's won. Joan says the jar of motivation needs to be flushed down the toilet. Christa flushes the contents and gags.

Outside the courthouse, the JJK gang congratulates Dennis Starr on his name change, which is now official. Joan hugs Croft and says, "I love you Diesel."

Lt. Croft hosts a ceremony around a flaming trashcan to lay to rest Denise. He throws away several of his old feminine items while the JJK gang chants, "Goodbye Denise. Hello Dennis." When Croft tosses a purse into the trashcan, Christa says, "That purse needed to go anyways."

Lastly, Croft burns his old photo ID card and Joan cries. Joan announces that she's decided to promote Dennis from Lieutenant to Captain, and presents him with a new jacket with his name on the back: Captain Starr. "It's a ceremony of transition," says Irwin. "That's just part of life."