Romancing the Joan

Romancing the Joan is the seventh episode of the first season of AMC's Small Town Security. It originally aired August 26, 2012.

Synopsis
At the JJK offices, Christa says, “When I go fishing, I get a cricket, I get a worm, and a minnow, and I put it all on there. That’s a master-baiter.” When Joan acts embarrassed, Brian says, “C'mon Chief. You've got a problem talking about sex all of a sudden?” Irwin has no such qualms. To everyone's shock, he admits that he participated in a masturbation competition in college.

Later, Irwin’s cousin Neil visits the Koplan house where Irwin talks about Neil's wild life: In the army, one of Neil's duties was inspecting officers for venereal disease. “I love to hear him tell his stories,” Irwin says.

At 8:30PM, Croft begins night patrol, finally returning exhausted to the JJK office at 7AM. The next morning, Chief honks her car horn until Croft awakens to accompany her inside where she asks him to make her coffee and walk Lambchop until the two end up arguing loudly.

Inside his office, Irwin admits he doesn’t like hearing them fight but he knows that Chief “loves a good argument, even though she’s wrong sometimes.” Back in the other room, Chief asks Croft why he still works for her. He says, “Because I love your ass.” They both fall silent.

Later, Neil visits the office. Brian says that Neil only comes to the office because he’s hungry. Chief laughs that Neil loves food so much, he calls everything from Chinese food to spaghetti “gorgeous.” Neil finishes a PB&J sandwich then departs. “Once he’s full, he just leaves,” Brian says.

A week later, Neil dies from heart failure. A teary-eyed Irwin hopes that he will one day see his cousin again. “I feel like I could, because I think I’ll end up in the same place.” In the funeral procession, a car full of women dressed in fur coats waves to passersby. After the funeral, the JJK team reminisces about Neil. Brian is curious about the ladies in fur. Irwin says, Neil’s daughter thought this would be a fitting tribute to her father who was such a ladies man. Irwin adds that Neil “may have suggested that the women have bikinis on under their fur coats.” In honor of the deceased, they hang Neil's photo above the chair where he always sat.

Irwin, now thinking about his own mortality, looks to rekindle his relationship with Joan by surprising her with ballroom dancing lessons. After some preliminary instruction –- during which Joan is chastised for swearing –- the two dance. After the lesson, Joan says with a smile, “You can kiss my hand now.”

Back in the office, Croft sleeps soundly in a chair. Christa and Brian can't wake him up. Only after overhearing Christa ask about another officer does he wakes up to answer her. “He's just focused on work 24/7,” says Brian.

Another day, Irwin drives Joan to a scenic overlook. “This is nice,” she says. After sunset, Irwin says, “I don't think there was ever a day –- maybe a few minutes -– never a day, that I didn't love you... Do you love me?” Joan answers, “Yes, I love you.”

Irwin waits a beat, then asks, “So what about Lt. Croft?” Joan doesn’t want to hurt Croft's feelings. Irwin asks, “Do you think he's going to be with us for the rest of our lives?” Joan replies, “Probably.” Irwin tells her it can't be. Joan says, “Right now, this is the situation.”