Dr. Sandy and the Swear Jar

Dr. Sandy and the Swear Jar is the third episode of the first season of AMC's Small Town Security. It originally aired July 29, 2012.

Synopsis
At the Koplan house, Joan asks Lt. Croft to take her pants off for her and he happily complies. "Let's just do this," she grumbles. Croft puts on Mambo music, and Joan dances while he watches from the couch.

At JJK, Dr. Sandy McKenzie arrives to see Irwin. "Is this about his hemorrhoids or something?" Joan asks. Turns out, Dr. Sandy is an executive coach who Irwin thinks can help JJK become more professional.

Irwin meets with Dr. Sandy in the conference room while the staff speculates about why a doctor is visiting. Brian speculates she's a shrink "because Captain has a psychological problem with hoarding."

After talking to Irwin, Dr. Sandy speaks with the other JJK staffers one by one. During her meetings, everyone deflects criticisms of themselves by pointing out Irwin's piles of junk.

Afterwards, the team convenes in reception, and Dr. Sandy reprimands Joan on her swearing. Joan responds: "I'm not changing because it wouldn't be me." Seeing that's a lost cause, Dr. Sandy encourages Irwin to clean his "disgusting" office. Embarrassed by her description of his office as a "pigpen," Irwin resolves to clean up. The first thing he decides to tackle is a storage unit he's rented for years, which is crammed with even more junk.

Back at JJK, Joan reveals she has Parkinson's disease. Though her doctor has suggested going to physical therapy, she considers it "stupid" and believes dancing is the best exercise. "Dancing makes me feel wild and alive... and sexual," she says.

The next morning, Irwin gathers the staff for a "morning huddle," as suggested by Dr. Sandy. He doesn't like all the profanity in the office, and asks everyone to put a quarter in a swear jar each time they curse. When the team uses Irwin's hoarding as a counterpoint against changing their own behavior, he decides to lead by example and start cleaning out his office.

Irwin calls in some junk haulers to help clear out his mess. As they make the rounds of Irwin's storage unit, house, and office, they find items including year-old leftovers from a party, phone books from the 1980s, bank statements from 1974, and a photo of Irwin becoming an Eagle Scout in 1947.

Getting nervous, Irwin insists that he needs "time to go through my treasures." The junk haulers offer to help, but Irwin resists. When asked how long he'll need to go through everything, Irwin replies "three days," then ups it to "a week," then "three weeks," and finally, "two months." A skeptical Joan concludes: "Lt. Croft will grow a full man's penis and testicles before that happens."